How’s everyone handling day 18 (For me… I think? It feels like days and time no longer exist so I could be wrong) of quarantine? If we put aside the actual virus and fear of ourselves and our loved ones contracting it.. I kind of thought I would be unaffected by this, if I’m being honest. I work from home already and I’m an introverted person who doesn’t enjoy being social or going outdoors which means I basically already live the self-isolation lifestyle so what could change? I’m not sure if it’s the stress of the situation, if I’m somehow absorbing the collective emotions of others, or if I’m just going through a rough patch mentally and it has nothing to do with the pandemic at all but it turns out the answer is A LOT. Work has slowed down but so has my motivation to accomplish the tasks that I still have and continue to recieve. I’ve been feeling aimless, exhausted, hungry (so hungry), shut off, etc. which is strange because like I said, my actual day to day life has barely changed at all. It’s been more of a mental shift, I guess. I’m trying to give myself a break, allow myself to rest and recuperate, allow myself to be unproductive, and let myself actually enjoy ‘me’ time which, so far, has just been eating junk and watching TV. (Shout out to Ben & Jerry’s and Netflix for keeping me going. 😂) I have literally nothing to update you guys on, I just wanted to check in and remind even my introverted, socially anxious friends who work from home that it’s ok if you’re feeling this way and that you’re allowed to feel whatever you’re feeling even if you didn’t think you would feel anything at all like me or you think someone else has more of a right to feel it. If you’re struggling, I did an interview with @maqobainc listing my top 5 mental health tips before this happened that might be helpful so I decided to share them here!
Relax, this is an old picture of me in the middle, I’m self-quarantining as everyone should be right now! 🦠 I know that everyone is scared right now, so am I. I am not immunocopromised but I do have some of those “underlying conditions” that the news is talking about. It doesn’t make me any more likely to catch the virus, but it makes my chances of beating it significantly less than the average person my age. I have severe asthma and COPD. Both of these are chronic lung conditions that affect my respiratory system which is dangerous because this is a respiratory virus that attacks the lungs, leaving even healthy people who have recovered from the virus with damaged lungs and reduced lung capacity. So yes, I am scared for myself and scared for my Mom, Dad, and Grandpa who are all more likely to succumb to the virus than I am. Please listen to the warnings. Stay home (if you can), don’t drink (weakens the immune system), wash your hands, keep a 6ft distance, wear gloves, don’t touch things, people, or your face unless necessary. PLEASE do not hoard supplies. I had to go to 4 stores looking for toilet paper because every store was empty. (If you’re in the same situation and live in downtown Sacramento, Gold Star Mart on 10th and S st. has four packs for $3.99 and single rolls for $1.99 right now.) This is a time to be selfless, be generous, protect yourselves, protect each other, and to HELP, not harm. ⠀
Valentine’s day is just around the corner and it’s really bumming me out. It’s weird because I’ve never really cared about Valentine’s Day much. I never disliked it! We all know it’s a money holiday but I still thought it was a sweet day for couples like an anniversary and I liked it. If I was single, whatever, I’ve spent 24 Valentine’s Days single and I never died. If I was with someone it meant a gift and maybe dinner out or a movie night in bed or something. It’s never been anything super special and I think it’s only hitting me harder this year because I miss my ex boyfriend. I don’t even like calling him that, it really sucks. At this point we’ve been separated longer than we were even together and you would think it wouldn’t be so hard still but it is.
Hey Instagram just checking in cause it’s been awhile. Thanks to everyone who didn’t unfollow me through my Rodney Reed post spree! I was shocked at the number of people who did but also not surprised. It’s weird being an influencer and a real person with real thoughts/feelings and passions that fall outside of your social media ‘category’ at the same time. Some people have told me they love when I post stuff that isn’t about products or selfies and some people hate it and that’s ok.
Anybody else struggle with impostorism? Studies say that 70% of people do, so it’s highly likely and I’ve been feeling it hard lately. If you’re not familiar it’s usually referred to as ‘impostor syndrome’ (even though it’s not a syndrome or an actual mental health condition). It’s described as “A psychological phenomenon in which people are unable to internalize their accomplishments.” but that doesn’t really cover everything because it doesn’t JUST affect my work. I experience it in my day to day life, as well. Continue reading →
Because this necklace is all about love I decided to open up and talk a little about my struggle with self-love recently as I’ve gone through a MAJOR weight loss journey over the last year. I don’t talk about my weight loss often because as someone who is body-positive, I never want to make anyone feel like they should lose weight and I never wanted to look at the comments I would inevitably receive because, while it took a lot of work and determination to lose the weight, I know the ‘congrats’ and other compliments wouldn’t be for my hard work. When people say nice things about the way I look after losing weight, it is in some way offensive to me because I’m still the girl who weighed 250lbs. I am not a different person and the congratulations, to me, always suggest that I look so much better now and I don’t like that idea. I don’t look better than before, I look different than before. In fact, before I lost the weight I had MORE confidence than I do now.
Hey guys! (Do I think I’m a YouTuber or something, what was that? lmao) I want to start being more authentic on this account. I think a lot of the time, people (including myself) get caught up with trying to be “brand friendly” or just look like we have it all together and only show the best parts of ourselves and our lives. I scroll through my feed and see all of these amazing pictures of outfits, makeup, vacations, food, etc. and I feel so disconnected. I’ve been lucky enough to do a few sponsored posts with awesome companies who sent me clothes/makeup or on a trip and I post pictures, but that isn’t my daily life AT ALL. I even have an upcoming sponsorship with a food company that I tried really hard to make look as cute as possible but in reality I eat almost every meal in bed watching TV or scrolling on my phone. In reality, I’m only ever dressed up if I’m going somewhere (which is rare) and spend 90% of my time in big shirts, pajamas and no makeup. In reality, I spend a lot of time comparing myself to other people online. In reality, I suffer with mental illness and even if you see me posting a fun photo on instagram that day.. odds are I took it a week before, haven’t showered since and am laying in bed feeling sorry for myself about SOMETHING. Some (and by some I mean a lot) of my days are bad. Some days I’m not OK and that’s OK, too. I want to start opening up and being honest here because this is my most popular platform and I want to take advantage of that and do something good with it. I get so many comments/DMs from people telling me I’m beautiful and inspiring and I LOVE those messages but it almost feels like you’re complimenting someone else because you don’t KNOW me yet. You’ve only seen the best and I want to show all of me, not just the 10% that makes me seem perfect so look forward to some new stuff SOON. I’m currently building up the courage to share my biggest physical insecurity with you guys and I’m terrified but also kind of excited? Anyway, today my mood is low and I’m trying to distract myself with work but tomorrow I’m leaving my house and meeting up with a new friend for the first time in over 5 years and I’m nervous as hell so wish me luck! 💛 #ITSOKTONOTBEOK