Hey Instagram just checking in cause it’s been awhile. Thanks to everyone who didn’t unfollow me through my Rodney Reed post spree! I was shocked at the number of people who did but also not surprised. It’s weird being an influencer and a real person with real thoughts/feelings and passions that fall outside of your social media ‘category’ at the same time. Some people have told me they love when I post stuff that isn’t about products or selfies and some people hate it and that’s ok.

I do feel a lot of pressure to keep my mouth shut and just put on makeup but I don’t know, man. I don’t think I can ever fully be that person. Having @painthrillers helps but I have this strong need to be understood by people and in order to be understood I have to be authentic but by being authentic I lose followers and opportunities. But if I’m not authentic I lose my motivation to post which in turn causes me to lose followers and opportunities so either way I’m losing. It’s almost a new year and I started off 2019 feeling the happiest I’ve ever been and I’m ending it feeling the lowest I’ve ever felt. But, as a wise woman once said, “I feel like this year was really about, like the year of just realizing stuff. And everyone around me, we’re just realizing things.” and I’ve realized a lot of stuff this year but one thing that I want to take with me into the next is that I need to do what feels right and brings me joy and if that turns people away then so be it. Maybe it will stunt my growth on social media but what I’m doing now is stunting my growth internally so I need to make the choice to prioritize that and continue making choices to prioritize that. 2019 was about realization, 2020 is about actualization so jot that down. Anyway, thank you for reading this post that sounds like one of my diary entries from 2003. I have some questions for you about sponsorships, giveaways, posts, etc. that I’m going to leave in my stories so go there if you want to help me realize more things before the year is over OR leave a comment even though I didn’t ask a question or give you a “secret emoji” for you to spam so brands think I have good engagement! 🙃 Now is the time where I list a whole bunch of stuff that nobody asked me for and pretend that it’s for your benefit when really it’s just so that influencers can tag brands in the hopes that they will see our posts and want to work with us or send us PR, lol. Oh wait, I forgot.. I’m also supposed to say that I love you all even though I don’t know a single one of you! All jokes aside, I may not love you or even know you but I do appreciate y’all sticking around and reading my words or liking my pictures or whatever it is that you do on this account so thank you. ❤



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